Bitter sweet

I've been home now for almost seven days and I've experienced so many emotions in such a short time. I miss me friends from Uganda and I miss the country in a way I didn't miss it when I left. Before I left, and a few times while I was there, I prayed and asked god to help me with my emotions. I am very soft hearted and I knew what I was about to experience would be an intense emotional experience and I didn't want to make a fool out of myself. I didn't want to embarrass myself but most importantly I didn't want to disrespect my African friends. It would be hard for me to explain to them the reasons behind my feelings. So I asked god to protect my heart and keep me in check. At times, although being there was amazing, I felt a little disconnected from things. Like I was walking in someone else's shoes. When I left, I was worried that the trip hadn't impacted me as much as I thought it would. I thought I was abnormal. I prayed and asked god if this was his plan, am I not connected to this land, what was going on. Immediately I felt as though he was surrounding me. Like I was standing in the middle of a protective circle. And he spoke to me and said, no you aren't disconnected, I've been guarding your heart. He told me that he was allowing me to experience the emotion of it all in doses I could handle. Since then, waves of memories and feelings come to me and I experience the trip all over again. The feelings are so strong and real and I'm connected. He's so mindful friends and he knows what you need and when you need it. Today, I had such an ache in my heart to be back on that beautiful orange soil. I longed to be with my friends and to be at the orphanage. He's letting me experience my trip twice but in a different way. And he's not done. There's so much more. I know there's a purpose for me and Uganda. He's not slack concerning his promises. He's revealed so much to me since I've been home. It hasn't all been easy. Getting acclimated to the excess we live in has been difficult. Having to go through my daily routine has sometimes felt pointless. Going from one extreme to another in just 24 hours rocks your world. I almost lost it when I first rode Into Thibodaux Friday night and saw all the fast food restaurants lining the street. How easy it is for us to just get a bite to eat when the children hope for rice once a day. In Walmart on Saturday I walked around with a lump in my throat at again how easy it is for us to just get what we need. It's all at our fingertips. I was driving home and asking god what it was that I couldn't shake. And again he spoke so clear. He said its because you ( as in America) don't NEED me. They NEED me. We need food, we jump in a car and go get it. We provide our own need to a certain extent. They need food, they ask Him to provide. They rely on him to meet all of there needs when I only ask him to meet some of my needs. I meet my needs when necessary. Now please don't get me wrong. I know that god does provide us with the jobs we have to be able to meet our needs but I guess what he was showing me is that he's an afterthought. For them, he is the first thing they go to, not the last when all other options fail. This may not have been for anyone but me but He convicted me. I am not the same. I can't be. I've been exposed to too much to just sit back and live life like I did.

There's a greater purpose out there for us friends. It may be your next door neighbor or it my be a little child in Africa, but there's more to this life than just our day to day schedule. It can be overwhelming at times to think "well what can I do? I can't just up and go to Africa!" And I understand that. Not everyone is called to walk on a foreign mission field. But we are all called to walk on the mission field that begins right outside your door. You can start by praying for your neighbor, your friend, or your family. Or you can pray for yourself that god would give you boldness to talk to people about him. I know I need to pray that everyday. There's always something we can do. He's calling us to rise up and be the church. To impact the world for him and to bring his love, his, joy, and his salvation the the people in our world, whether far or near. I pray it starts a fire in me and that I can fulfill what I know he's calling us to do.

I'm not sure if I will continue this blog or not. We will see what god thinks :). So many people have said they followed it while I was in Africa and how they couldn't wait for me to post another blog. Thank you so much for your prayers and I hope I was able to paint a good enough picture for you. I'll be posting on fb if we will be presenting anything at church about the trip. Please be in prayer about supporting this mission and this new orphanage we are building. For more information, please go to www.refuge127.org.

With love, Lacey



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